Should you elope? California Elopement vs Big Wedding

Is an elopement right for you?

This is a big decision!  And it’s ok if you’re not sure how you want to get married.  I want to remind you that there is no right or wrong way.  BE TRUE TO YOURSELVES!  There are no do-overs and you don’t want to walk away from this day with any regrets. 

Before I was a California elopement photographer, I was a big wedding photographer for over a decade. I’ve been closely involved in planning and heard firsthand the frustrations and regrets couples feel about big wedding days. Many, sadly, shared on the day itself.

If some of these thoughts have crossed your mind, put that guest list down and close that Pinterest tab. Then, think about what truly feels like the best way to kick off your married life together.

The Guest List Spiral

It never fails. The guest list is one of the things that start to make planning a big wedding feel overwhelming. If you’ve talked to literally any couple who has worked on a guest list together, you know, THIS STRUGGLE IS REAL. 

Why is it such a struggle?

We care about people, and there is such a sense of obligation when you make a guest list. The funny thing is, oftentimes we’re inviting people because we know our mom, or dad, or grandparents, or boss expect us to. This may be a clue why you may want to elope.

What?!

You are inviting people to your wedding that you have no interest in spending time with. This is due solely to a sense of obligation.

And it’s a vicious cycle. As you work through your relationships and acquaintances, you’ll realize:
“If I invite this group of people, then we HAVE to invite this group of people….” And the list goes on. 

Once you know the guest count, you have to find a venue big enough to hold everyone. This often leads to more stress and bigger bills.

And again, we care about people…so all these folks invited out of obligation, they can be a source of major stress when the day arrives. You’ll likely feel a responsibility to greet every single person, and thank them for coming. On a day that is supposed to be about you as a couple, speaking to 100 people personally is a big distraction and very time consuming. 

Did you know that according to The Knot, in 2021, 50% of guests actually didn’t enjoy attending a wedding they were invited to. You read that right, half of the guests you’re potentially hosting, may not even want to come. When I read that stat it really made me pause. It’s a big deal to host a big group of people, and it never crossed my mind that half of them might not even want to be there!

Now that you’ve worked out your guest list and you have a guest count, it’s time to dive into the venue shopping. Many couples tell me this is like a job in itself. You want to find a venue that “feels right,” but logistically it needs to check a few other boxes. 

• it has to fit within your budget
• it has to accommodate your guest list
• ideally it makes you feel inspired

So you can imagine that finding the place that speaks to you and meets those other needs can be hard. I once met with a couple the morning before they went to view their potential venue. They shared they were having apprehensions in accommodating all the people on their list. It was feeling very overwhelming.

When we said goodbye, they headed off to their venue tour, fully planning a traditional, big wedding.

A couple of weeks went by and I got a text that said, “If we eloped with just you, what would that look like?”

I immediately tried to describe the beauty and pace of an elopement day.

You’re not alone if the cost of a traditional venue to host 100+ guests feels very limiting and not very personal. 

You’re also not alone if a traditional venue doesn’t give you “the feels.”

Because here’s the thing: your wedding day should feel magical. If the idea of booking a massive venue just to feed a hundred guests doesn’t excite you, listen to that.

Imagine instead: a spot that means something to you. A place that takes your breath away. A quiet mountain meadow, the shores of an alpine lake, or a spot you’ve always dreamed of visiting. That’s the beauty of a California elopement—you can choose a location that feels personal and right.

The Budget

This goes hand in hand with venue shopping, but we all know weddings are expensive. It takes a big budget to accommodate a big guest list in a nice venue. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but here’s what I want you to consider:

Do you value what you’re spending your hard earned money on? 

If the wedding day plan feels like something you don’t want to dip into your savings for, then you probably shouldn’t. Maybe you should consider investing that money into an unforgettable California elopement experience instead. 

Picture an intimate day that’s entirely about the two of you—your favorite activities, your favorite food, your favorite views. 

That cash you were about to drop on a big event? Imagine it fueling a once-in-a-lifetime adventure for just the two of you

The Timeline

Big weddings come with a lot of obligations. When I make big wedding schedules, almost every 15 minute slot is accounted for. The pace is intense, and it’s not for every personality. Often there are so many people involved that a big portion of time is spent in:

• getting ready with your former roommates and future in laws
• greeting your guests (but as a sprint, jumping from table to table as if your life depended on it)
• wrangling big groups of family members
• dragging your bridal party away from the open bar for group photos.

It’s not all bad, but it’s not for everyone.

I have a big wedding memory that breaks my heart every time I think of it:

One of my brides was getting ready, and the morning was busy. She had just put on her dress and she looked at me and said quietly, “I can’t wait for this to be over.”

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to get married! She was just feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed. What she really wanted to do was get to her honeymoon so that she could spend quality time with her partner.

Hang on. 

Don’t skip that. 

She wanted her wedding day to be over so she could see her partner. 

Big wedding days are often so busy that you will likely not get very much time together (and definitely not alone).

I’ve long been a promoter of the first look. And then I started begging couples to take 10 minutes alone right after the ceremony. I held these chunks of time sacred for my couples because I could see them visually loosen as they were able to touch, talk, and express their shared joy together. They are literally my favorite parts of a big wedding day. 

When you elope, you have the freedom to slow down, soak in the moments, and actually be together. Imagine spending the entire day side by side. Getting ready together, exploring together, taking in the beauty of your surroundings together. It’s not just a photoshoot. It’s a shared experience

Relationships (the Unspoken Struggle)

I will just touch on this because if you’re feeling that little nag of discomfort, you already know. Not all of us have the perfect family life, and so many of us have experienced the pain of broken relationships. There is an obligation to invite everyone to your wedding, regardless of the hurts or unresolved issues in the past. Some of these hurts may be the worst thing you’ve ever lived through. Healing and forgiveness are of course the ideal scenario, but isn’t on a timeline and can’t be forced. If you have these hurts, do you really want that person or those people to be with you on your wedding day?

What Feels Right to You?

For some, a huge party with all their college friends, second cousins and relatives is exactly how they want to mark the occasion.

But for you, it would be misery.

You don’t thrive in large groups. Or you don’t like to be on display or the center of attention. You consider yourself an introvert, but you feel completely at home with a small group of your closest friends and family. Being in nature refreshes and revives you. You love exploring and experiencing new things with your closest person, your soon-to-be husband or wife. 

Listen to your gut. Quiet everyone else’s opinions, the traditions, or the way that your friend from school had her wedding. 

Ask yourself, are you compromising your ideal day to please someone who isn’t your fiance? 

Your elopement day, the way you mark the occasion, and the way you jump off into your married life should be the experience that feels the best and gives you the most contentment. It’s not a performance or an obligation to your family. It is for YOU. 

I’m here to help you figure it out

If you’re on the fence about eloping, let’s chat. I’m an open book, and as a California elopement photographer, it would be an honor to help you figure out the way you want to start your married life.